Your Other G-Spot

By Laura Toller Gardner

 Before we get distracted by talk of G-Spots and other, assorted eye-brow raisers…praise and thanksgiving!  It is once again May, the Cosmic Month of Glitteracy. My beloved writing partner, The Bejewelled Baroness herself, aka Elizabeth Gibbons, is the founder of said month-long homage to all that sparkles, glitters and glows. Under the Baroness’ patient tutelage I have learned greater appreciation for the soulful expansion of the sacred glittery ways. I walk to the edge of the opalescent bridge of wonder and delight and peer out over the horizon with a healthy mix of awe and trepidation. If you reside in the belief that sparkles are for little girls and aging MTV video vixens, I encourage you to screw up your courage and jump off the side of that magical bridge as I do on occasion. The liberation you’ll experience will be well worth it.

All hail the Bejewelled Baroness and her Glitteracy Revolution!

Your Other G-Spot

True confession: I can’t take credit for the concept “your other G-Spot.” Oh how I wish I could, but plagiarism is an offense almost worse than inauthenticity in my world of heart and soul sovereignty. The author Gina Amaro Rudan — who I heard speak this past week — is the purveyor of “your other G-Spot.” Tip of my hat to her.  The “G” Gina refers to is Genius, a quality that she and I agree is abundantly more than the I.Q. points we’re all born packing.

My take on Personal Genius can be summed up best by this delicious equation: (Passion + Talent) x Divine Desire = Personal Genius.

Personal Genius Manifesting Early for the Notorious Author.

Personal Genius is the sum total of what we do with what we’ve got — and that’s a whole bunch, if you haven’t noticed for yourself. Passion (the emotion of “I am so lit up by X that I and everyone in my immediate environs is going to burst into glittery flames at any moment”) plus your Talents (whatever you do with aplomb without really even trying), are the potent mixture of your greatness. And when this mix is multiplied by Divine Desire (the messenger of good news about those things that are sacred callings for you) you’ve got an equation the potential of which would have knocked Einstein’s socks off.

At the core of our identity is our Personal Genius. If our equation gets out of whack, our identity (our selfhood) slumps and shrinks. It’s like our selfhood becomes entombed in a fulfillment-and-love-proof prison. We have the key, but amnesia strikes and suddenly we believe that selfhood liberation resides in external references rather than at home, with our inner authority.

If you are crying the blues because it’s been far too long since you were intimate with your other G-Spot (envelope pusher that I am!), here are some play practices to unleash and ignite your Personal Genius. These are my gift to you; I want you to feel riotously alive and awake, charting a meaningful course — purring all the way home to your magnificence.

Explore Your Creation Mythos

We all have our own, personal creation story, even when we aren’t aware of it. What do you believe about yourself, your childhood, your family, what you are capable of achieving? Newsflash! What you consciously think is only part of the total story. Look at the circumstances of your life, they speak to you about your subconscious beliefs. Overweight (ah hem, OK outing myself), fractured relationship(s), debt, anxiety, and all the litany of woes are teenie, smudgy windows into our secret, silent beliefs about ourselves. These beliefs inform our creation mythos, and our creation mythos contributes to the manifestation of our experiences.

Rather than stressing about what’s hanging out in your subconscious like a slovenly, narcissistic squatter, study your life — the clues are there in neon when you are willing to see with ruthlessly honest eyes. Once you have the full story on the components of your creation mythos, you can make choices in concert with your inner authority: what about your mythos serves you, strengthens you and differentiates your magnificence? And what about your mythos needs to be healed and reframed so that it supports you to live a breathtaking life?

Draw, paint, collage, journal or write a song about your empowered, healed creation mythos. Dress up and act it out. Make a video. Plant a creation mythos garden. Go on a creation mythos hike where you project your story onto the natural landscape and see what lessons and insights Mother Nature has for you. Throw yourself a creation mythos party and assign your guests roles — you can do this with your pets and stuffed animals if you’re not ready to answer a bunch of delving questions. Commit to a physical activity portrayal of your mythos — a 5K walk, a half marathon, a group swim or bike ride, a bocce ball tournament, whatever gets you grounded in your body and owning your story.

I encouraged a very funny friend to unravel her creation mythos as a project that had deep meaning for her. After about a week she unveiled her creation mythos pedicure — a different color and design for each toe and each poignant learning/experience that contributes to her Personal Genius. It was genius!

Purrsephone Meets Skype!

Curate Your Life

You get to decide. Hope you heard me — YOU GET TO DECIDE. (I know, you may have to work with yourself.) We’ve been acculturated to believe that going along, fitting in, not making waves is what good people do. The people who do that very well may be wonderful folks, but they are living encased in the bodies and minds of zombies. So in actuality we don’t know what kind of people they are because, it’s very likely that they haven’t had the courage to express an independent thought in decades. Harsh?  Yep kinda. Don’t mean to be though. Provocateur is my aim.

The point I’m making, dramatic license aside, is that we are the curators of our lives. We decide what we focus our spotlight upon; what makes up the crucial foundation of our body of work; how we present our unique value to a world full of supporters and fans.

Sometimes we feel trapped by past choices, mistakes, people pleasing, life’s hard knocks, injustices. If that’s where you are right now, sitting in the rain at the bus station, ready to throw in the towel and settle for the safe life back where you came from where people will whisper “we knew she’d be back!” take three deep breaths right now. Know that Divinity breathes you. Know that you are loved beyond measure — even if in this moment the circumstances of your life don’t reflect that truth. And do the following exercise for just 10 minutes.

Play pretend. For 10 minutes play pretend. Pretend that a woman you admire and love is playing you in a Hollywood blockbuster or in a

Image courtesy of The Guardian http://www.guardian.co.uk/stage/theatreblog/2010/jun/21/week

Tony-winning Broadway show. See yourself played by that dynamic, capable, heart-full woman. How does she orchestrate your current life? Remember, it’s pretend so she can do anything. Let the story play out for 10 full minutes and demand that an acceptable outcome be reached at the end. Now look at your pretend with relentless authenticity about the here and now, there are clues from your pretend about inspired next steps for you. It may seem outlandish but don’t dismiss them. Think about a way you can incorporate the solutions living within those clues into your current life to move yourself closer to your magnificence. Share your story and your clues with one person that you absolutely trust to support you in a non-judging way.

If you don’t have someone like that right now, rely on me and my kitty Purrsephone. I do this exercise with Purr often. She is an outrageously compassionate listener. Our pictures are above. Feel free in the safety of your heart to tell us your Hollywood/Tony-winning story and the clues it reveals for your next steps in the here and now. I promise you that we know the truth of you — you are bigger and more powerful than you could ever imagine — and we are a stand for you as the curator of your life. Purr’s temple of sweet sisterhood is open for business. March yourself right in and sit a spell with us.

Sovereignty is Sexy! Roll Around in It

The sex appeal of heart and soul sovereignty will melt plastic! And this sex appeal is for your pure enjoyment and benefit. Once a day, lock the bathroom or bedroom door and speak to yourself as your sexy, sovereign self. Ideally, do this while lovingly looking in the mirror. Affirm yourself, share your grand plans, expand on your theories, wisdom, knowingness. Embody your inner queendom. It’s important to look deeply into your own eyes and listen intently to the quality of your voice. Until we can be sovereign with and for ourselves in the safety of our own space, we won’t be equipped to take our show on the road and exercise sovereignty out in the world. Claiming the sovereignty of your life will fuel your Personal Genius, inform your curation, and manifest your creation mythos’ powerful legacy. Not to mention, sovereignty works in service to all our G-Spots!

INQUIRY QUESTIONS:

1.) What is my unique equation: (Passion + Talent) x Divine Desire = Personal Genius

2.) What are three primary themes from my creation mythos?

3.) What is one area of my life that if I intentionally curated would make me exponentially happier and full-filled?

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Notorious Author Laura Toller Gardner

Laura Toller Gardner  I am a liberating thought leader.

An empath from my first memories, I apply my knowing to help people and animals harmonize our interconnected healing and thriving. I also partner with entrepreneurs to tap their intuitive well-of-creativity through insightful strategy and storytelling. I love writing {irreverent} non-fiction that explores what it means to release the cult of perfection, personal liberation ignited by inner authority, and heart and soul sovereignty.  Some day I may write fiction and try to lighten up. We’ll see.

I’ve worked marketing and public relations magic with conscientious corporate giants, non-profit change agents, spiritual communities, artists and a visionary wealth manager.

I am currently exploring the depths of the principle: Everything is Opportunity.  What in your life deserves exploration? What keeps you from it? I encourage you to take one small step today to attend to that which calls you. And if that doesn’t feel possible, I support you to adopt the mantra, “less fret, more play.” Now go play!

Nurture Your Nature and Get GLOWING in Life!

Blessings and greetings dear friends! Spring has officially sprung, and that sweetness inspires me to dive into the vivid depths of the incomparable poet Mary Oliver’s affirmation: We All Have This One Wild and Precious Life. Ms. Mary’s poetry is ambrosia for the heart and soul, and it begs the $1,000,000 question: what are YOU going to do with your one wild and precious life? 

Depending upon the moment, I may answer her inquiry with heartfelt sincerity somewhere along the vast continuum of “eat coconut milk ice cream” to “transform the world for the benefit of all.” This is a hard-won victory for me. You see, for most of my life I didn’t have the self-mastery (really the “self-mistressy”; new word for our friends at Websters! ) to live joyfully along this vast continuum. Previously, if I didn’t live in full-tilt transformation mode every nanosecond, I and my efforts were worthless. Worthless! Can you imagine? Can you relate?

I got Rhythm! Image compliments of the sparkly Internet universe.

Recently (huzzah! I am still celebrating.) I embodied the wisdom that when we honor our own rhythms — the ways in which we flow in alignment with Life — we access the potential to be even more magnificent than we might have imagined possible.  Rhythm and flow are the name of the game in my world. Now I laugh uproariously at myself when I push and force. I used to be that woman who would never say die, until I realized that dying was precisely what I was experiencing each unconscious, disassociated moment that I gritted my teeth and allowed anyone other than myself to claim sovereignty in my heart and my soul.

In celebration of rhythm,  flow and GLOW, I am proud to introduce my wise friend and Cosmic Cowgirl Jennifer Alhasa. Jennifer models for me the very nature of rhythm and flow — she listens to her intuition, harmonizes her energy and life to propel her dreams, and fearlessly walks to the edge and smartly peers into the unknown.  Not to mention, Jennifer knows how to work a pair of fairy wings like no one’s business!

And now for your delight, I offer the words and wisdom of self-mistressy trailblazer, Jennifer Alhasa.

Nurture Your Nature and Get GLOWING In Life!

By Jennifer Alhasa

As a human being, it’s easy to get caught up in the rat race to get more and more stuff. Yet, increasingly, people are awakening to the reality that, like the old saying goes, “Money cannot buy happiness.” So what does? What kind of investment will provide the biggest bang for our buck here on planet Earth? How can we connect to our true selves, feel better and shine from the inside out?

Here are 7 ways I’ve found to Get GLOWING!

1. Meditate. While this sounds intimidating and scary to some, it’s really quite simple: Sit, be still and see what shows up! If playing mood music, buying the right cushion and setting up structure ensures your success, GO FOR IT! Whatever it takes to get you off the computer, away from the phone and into the seat of your soul, then do it! I recommend bookending your day with 20 minutes to start and end, but again, it’s ALL FABULOUS!


Image joyfully gifted by the infinite Internet.

2. Follow Your Joy! Now more than ever, it’s time to make your heart sing, your bells ring and your spirit soar. Stop “should-ing” yourself into unfun activities (and relationships!) out of obligation, shame and playing the blame game. Let go of guilt and do what FEELS GOOD!!! If you’re looking for work, add this to your list of non-negotiables for less grind and more glow! Joy is life’s way of saying, “You’re on the right track,” and “Keep going this way!” Woohoo!
3. Be YOU! That’s right, big, bold, beautiful YOU is invited to the party and we’re ready to see her shine! Untuck your personality and get it ALL out for the world to see! If someone doesn’t like it, TOO BAD! Stop worrying about what others think and tune into how YOU feel! (See #2 and find this YOU!) She dances, she prances and runs barefoot through the woods with wings. She’s moon-missed, sun-kissed and a goddess of love and light. She’s night, she’s day, she’s work, she’s play and YES, she IS woman; ready to hear her roar?
   
4. Go with the flow! The more you say “YES” to what is, the more peace you’ll create in your life. Let go of expectations, outcomes and mind-maps that tell you what’s “supposed to happen” in your world (and certainly someone else’s!) Stop pushing the river; turn over and float. Be one with the ocean and ride her waves! If something leaves, let it fall away! If a door won’t open, find one that will. If you miss a train, it wasn’t really yours, now was it? Practice loving what is and watch everything amaze you!


Let your flag FLY! Image from http://idiosyntocracy.blogspot.com/

5. Move. You’ve got a body, now use it! Walk, run, swing or swim your way to sparkling! Salsa, meringue, and tango it up or downward dog to shavasana if that’s your style! Whatever gets your blood pumping and your butt bouncing, do it! Wake it, shake it and make it GLOW! You’ll not only feel amazing but you’ll look great too! Not a shabby side effect, eh?
6. Get the good stuff! Take a look at your diet and see how you’re treating your temple. Are you drinking enough water, eating your veggies and making more whole choices? Each of us comes with an ideal diet and they’re not one size fits all for sure! Listen to YOUR body and give it more of what moves through you with ease! At the same time, keep a treat or two on hand because life’s short and sometimes food really does equal love!
7. Love more! Like the Beatles sang it, “All you need is love!” But, rather than looking for it out there, let it start in your heart. Picture the face of someone you love unconditionally – like a cute kid or a furry friend -  and feel the space it creates! Take that wonderful warmth and let it spread to yourself, to your spouse, to your neighbors and to our world. Smile at strangers and look through the eyes of love! Soon, you’ll see, that me = WE!

Jennifer Alhasa

I’m Jennifer Alhasa, Founder of Peace, Love and GLOW and I help people uncover their lights and ignite their lives! Intuitively gifted, consciously creative and trained in transformation, I’m all about ENERGY, ACTION and EVOLUTION! Come Get GLOWING and shine like the star you are!

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Notorious Author Laura Toller Gardner

Laura Toller Gardner  I am a liberating thought leader.

An empath from my first memories, I apply my knowing to help people and animals harmonize our interconnected healing and thriving. I also partner with entrepreneurs to tap their intuitive well-of-creativity through insightful strategy and storytelling. I love writing {irreverent} non-fiction that explores what it means to release the cult of perfection, personal liberation ignited by inner authority, and heart and soul sovereignty.  Some day I may write fiction and try to lighten up. We’ll see.

I’ve worked marketing and public relations magic with conscientious corporate giants, non-profit change agents, spiritual communities, artists and a visionary wealth manager.

I am currently exploring the depths of the principle: Everything is Opportunity.  What in your life deserves exploration? What keeps you from it? I encourage you to take one small step today to attend to that which calls you. And if that doesn’t feel possible, I support you to adopt the mantra, “less fret, more play.” Now go play!

I’m Indignant. Won’t You Join Me?

I’m Indignant. Won’t You Join Me?

By Laura Toller Gardner

(Image source unknown.)

For each of us our bell-ringer will likely be different, and yet there will be similarities. I’m betting there is a cauldron of crap that the majority of us agree is out of bounds and it includes: violence, inequity, selfishness, hypocrisy, power-over, environmental abuse, injustice. It’s the contents of said-cauldron that have me gripped tightly by the throat today. 

I believe that as people who value collective evolution, beauty, loving kindness, and wellness for the planet and all her inhabitants, there is behavior that we can not tolerate.  My sincere desire is that we will break free from our consumer-inspired stupor, overcome the “keeping up with the Joneses/if you are big I feel small” populous sedation, and own that there are issues that demand our advocacy and our heart-full action.

Indignation can inspire wrath, which our culture has condemned as non-spiritual and in some circles, unethical. Wrath — our own and certainly other people’s — will cause many of us to run the 100 yard dash in record time, stilettos not-withstanding. “Wrath/anger/fury/outrage isn’t feminine. Wrath isn’t mindful. Wrath is the enemy of peace. Wrath is aggressive. Wrath begets more wrath.” How familiar does all of this sound? Does it feel just the least bit controlling, like there might be an ulterior motive in the vilification of wrath?

I am not suggesting that we live fueled by anger and bitterness. I proffer that wrath can be beneficial when applied with wisdom, care and thoughtfulness. Wrath isn’t license to slash tires, meltdown or make a consummate ass of ourselves in front of a stadium’s worth of the Scoundrel du Jour’s nearest and dearest. Wrath fires us with the courage to purposefully speak and act from our hearts, no matter the opposition.

Women protest Egyptian President Mubarek in Cairo, February 8, 2011. Credit: Reuters.

Indignation makes us unreasonable. This unreasonableness was vibrantly alive along the U.S.’s Underground Railroad in the mid-1800′s, in Tiananmen Square in 1989, in Tahrir Square in 2011, today in Syria and various African nations, and throughout human history. Indignation is victorious every time a young person stands toe to toe with a bully — bigger, louder, menacing.  Indignation carries the day when escorts shield women so they may safely enter family planning clinics and when small skiffs of animal lovers position themselves between harpoon boats and the whales they seek to slaughter. When families reject cultural traditions that harm and mutilate their children, and accept the consequences of tribal ostracism, indignation reigns supreme.

Within Divinely aligned wholeness, everything exists in harmony…even Indignation and her BFF Wrath. If there is light, there must be shadow. One is incumbent upon the other. Darkness has received a very bad wrap. Much of self-help, religion, spirituality, and psychology seem hell-bent on eradicating that which exists in the darkness, for the much celebrated realm of light.

I know. It’s fun and breezy in the light. Everyone is our friend in the light. Baby animals, chocolate and diamonds take up residence in the light. (Cue the Katy Perry party music.) And sometimes, our own hearts and the world demand us to step into the darkness, with our wrath-wands raised to kick some serious tail. Our personal power is holistic and allows us to live as whole beings in harmony with Life. An important element of our wholeness is the ability to discern when indignation and wrath are appropriate responses (notice I didn’t say “reactions”) to that which is unacceptable and life-negating. Within darkness liberation lives. Learning to wield indignation with grace and authority can be a liberating act.

Elevate your gaze and notice, what has been allowed to stand for far too long? I hope each of us will apply measured doses of indignation when and where it is warranted. Our collective well-being and longevity depend upon it. And if the critics bleat their personal attacks of wrath-monger, fashion those slings and arrows into beautiful badges of courage and wear them with aplomb. In due time each of us will be inspired uniquely; our words and deeds will be our own. Therefore when we see the fire blaze in our sisters’ eyes, rather than scorn, sow understanding and at the very least, generous allowing.

Who and /or what in your life is deserving of your indignant response? What’s going on in the world, that trumps the minutia of the moment?

I’m indignant today. What say you?

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Notorious Author Laura Toller Gardner

Laura Toller Gardner I am a liberating-thought leader, a published author, animal intuitive, and branding and marketing executive. I have worked for close to 20 years with non-profit and for-profit clients helping them tell their compelling stories and enhance their bottom lines.

My writing focuses on heart and soul sovereignty, overcoming the Cult of Perfection, and spiritual healing through the embodiment of Notorious.  I believe that transformation is a daily ritual. I value authenticity, compassion and mirthful humor. I know for sure that my willingness to spiritually compost all that no longer serves me is the sacred alchemy that makes my life a masterpiece. What do you know for sure?

Desire is Your Devine Messenger

Desire is Your Devine Messenger

By Laura Toller Gardner

Desire is Your Devine Messenger. Let that statement sink in. How does it make your body feel? Might it ring true for you? Does the voice in your head shout, No! or hesitantly squeak, Maybe? Depending upon your mindset, that truth may challenge years or generations of belief that can hold you in a prison of disconnection, self negation and/or fear.

When we acknowledge that our drives, desires and yearnings are a sacred indicator of “just-right for me,” we make room for sensual allowing.

Desire is Divinity’s powerful herald of infinite possibility; it is the way-shower and cheering section for potential.

The rub: we live in and with a culture that demonizes desire. For millennia, desire was vilified as the enemy of goodness, righteousness and morality; especially the desires of women. Why, pray tell? My hypothesis goes something like this… desire clearly points the way to personal power and freedom. Empowered people are hard to control and manipulate. Heaven forbid there are a bunch of empowered people running around, thinking and acting independently! The power structure just can’t tolerate that.

Currently with rampant addictions, obsessiveness, and narcissism (Facebook and Twitter-verses, you’re on notice!), it’s no surprise that the sweet holiness of desire continues to be besmirched as “indulgent.” Let’s be clear, if we are behaving in ways that make us feel bad about ourselves or someone else, if we or others are hurting, or try-as-we-might we just can’t shake anxiety/fear/shame, then we need to look unflinchingly at our beliefs and behavior — possibly with the help of a professional therapist or a spiritual counselor. Devine desire is healthy, uplifting and life affirming. Dysfunction masquerading as desire is harmful, marginalizing, and oppressive. We as a race are in desperate need to discern the difference!

Sacred desire encourages us to embrace vulnerability, to take the journey back to ourselves. Claiming our Devine desire allows us to do that which we didn’t believe was possible.

For the record, I purposely haven’t defined desire. Please don’t allow society’s conditioning to limit desire to sexuality alone for you, for any of us. The very nature of Devine desire can not be limited or constrained. Desire is alive in all aspects of our being-ness. It ignites sacred sensuality, holy creativity in our lives. The desire for learning, physical achievements, music making, garden growing, red-painted toe nails, travel to Malaysia or Minnesota, prayer and thanksgiving, it is all transformative and awakening.Treat yourself with great care and savor your desires daily.

How does desire sing to you, ignite your heart, help forge the pathway forward? How do you honor your desires? Do you betray them?  I strongly encourage you to experiment with a seven-day, sensual desire experiment and see how life opens up for you. For five minutes once a day (twice a day if you can swing it), sit undisturbed and breath into the space of your heart chakra. Focus your attention on your heart space; FEEL your Desire radiate out from this space, filling up and energizing your physical and energy bodies. Ask your sacred self the question: How does Devine desire call me to awaken today? Expect answers! I guarantee that one week of earnest, loving questioning will open up surprising, miraculous insights and possibilities.

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Notorious Author Laura Toller Gardner

Laura Toller Gardner I am a liberating-thought leader, a published author, animal intuitive, and branding and marketing executive. I have worked for close to 20 years with non-profit and for-profit clients helping them tell their compelling stories and enhance their bottom lines.

My writing focuses on heart and soul sovereignty, overcoming the Cult of Perfection, and spiritual healing through the embodiment of Notorious. I’m a contributor to Partner, Potential and Play (PPP). PPP is the brain/soul child of Cosmic Cowgirl Kathryn Elliott; it deserves your attention. http://www.partnerpotentialandplay.com/

I believe that transformation is a daily ritual. I value authenticity, compassion and mirthful humor. I know for sure that my willingness to spiritually compost all that no longer serves me is the sacred alchemy that makes my life a masterpiece. What do you know for sure?

Goddess of Too Much…Unapologetic

Goddess of Too Much…Unapologetic

By Laura Toller Gardner

Original version published in “Petals and Bones” zine #3 “Sorry”, Summer 2011. This incarnation yearns to be aired out in the powerful potential of the new calendar year; free to stretch and smile in the winter sunshine. So, without further ado, I share my “ode of sass” to heart and soul sovereignty…Long may we all reign!

Dear Laura, Goddess of Too Much:

My love…when your inner mean chick (a.k.a. internal/infernal, shrill puppeteer, free-rent squatter in your head) snipes that you’re Too Much, you sit her down hard and remind her that absolutely, you ARE Too Much.

When her disembodied condemnation echoes the voices of all time and shrieks “witch! too big, too powerful, too different, too self possessed, bitch!” she knows not what she alleges.

You, Laura, are audaciously More Than Enough, and your cup opulently runneth over with sacred succulence. Too Much is just where you want to be, need to be, were designed to be.

Too Much and More Than Enough don’t happen by accident, honey; they are your natural, Divine state. So little miss judgmental/pinched face/repressed/terrified by authenticity/”what will THEY think”/nasty girl better get on the bus now and bow low — with reverence — to YOU when she says Too Much.

Too Much is the evolved version of: “Absolutely perfect, flawlessly right, magnificently aligned, hot stuff, top dog, spiritual supermodel, Laura rules her galaxy and you better be slap happy grateful to call her your sister”!

Sweet pea, you just have your inner mean shrew try THAT on for size for the next 30 days and let’s see if she doesn’t enthusiastically blossom into your personal fan club president! You just remind her that her disempowered days are numbered, because blessedly she too… is Too, Too Much. It’s high time for her to step into her More Than Enough stilettos and strut her stuff — in alignment with our brilliance. Authentic. Unapologetic. Way, Way Too Much.

Loving you across the miles of our limitless life,

Laura, Goddess of Honorable Self Affirmation

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Notorious Author Laura Toller Gardner

Laura Toller Gardner I am a liberating-thought leader, a published author, animal intuitive, and branding and marketing executive. I have worked for close to 20 years with non-profit and for-profit clients helping them tell their compelling stories and enhance their bottom lines. Additionally I serve clients as a commercial real estate broker with real-world experience as an investor.

My writing focuses on heart and soul sovereignty, overcoming the Cult of Perfection, and spiritual healing through the embodiment of Notorious. I will launch my own author platform website in 2012 (should have been 2011, but you know how that goes) at www.lauratollergardner.com I was recently featured on BlogTalkRadio’s GET GLOWING radio show, hosted by fellow Cosmic Cowgirl Jennifer Alhasa. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/jenniferalhasa/2011/12/02/get-glowing-with-guest-laura-toller-gardner And I’ll be a contributor to Partner, Potential and Play (PPP) at its official launch in early 2012. PPP is the brain/soul child of Cosmic Cowgirl Kathryn Elliott; it deserves your attention. http://www.partnerpotentialandplay.com/

My authorship is informed by academic and professional training as a journalist and public relations practitioner. I received a Bachelor of Arts degree magna cum laude in Journalism with an emphasis in Public Relations, from the University of Southern California.

The Sweetness of Sisterhood

By Laura Toller Gardner

Blessings & Greetings!

We all know in our hearts and guts that the Cult of Perfection breeds nasty contempt for ourselves, the women we love and every woman walking the planet. It’s an insidious poison. My belief is that we are not born hardwired to compare, compete and psychically claw at one another. This ugliness is learned from a young age. And now that we know better, it’s really time for the un-learning to begin.

As long as we externally reference, we look for and demand affirmation from without. When we turn within and rely on sacred authority and inner wisdom, we align with the truth for us that includes all our own gifts, beauty and brilliance. Becoming acquainted with and relying on sacred authority and inner wisdom ushers in a personal, energetic era of Just Right. When we experience Just Right, we create space for others to be Just Right for themselves. This means we are free to live in sisterhood with other women, liberated from comparison and competition. And we are available to live in community with men without being defended and defensive.

The term “sister” is sacred. When we engage with another as true “sister” we are present with her in honor, respect and a deep understanding of Divinity reflected in her eyes. I have one biological brother (whom I adore) and many, many sisters who bless me immeasurably. At this time of year when “keeping up” can be experienced as joyless obligation to the tenth power, PLEASE make the time to draw your sisters close and recognize the immanence within.

In that very spirit, I am delighted to introduce The Sweetness of Sisterhood by author, activist, and teacher Dani Burlison. To me, Dani’s writing and her life are a tapestry of courage honed by intelligent risk, nurture perfected by her ever-opening heart , and wisdom that is raw and truthful in every light. With immense gratitude, I throw my arms wide to my literary sister, Dani Burlison.

The Sweetness of Sisterhood

By Dani Burlison

Recently, a handful of my closest girlfriends and I helped my best friend move herself and her three children into a new rental, conveniently located on the same property as my daughters and I. Our friends came together on this unusually warm late autumn afternoon to help with the transition and planning for our new semi-communal life, because where we’re from, we all take care of one another.

The afternoon of sharing coffee, laughter and persimmon cake– made by one friend with fruit from another friend’s tree– was nothing out of the ordinary for our community, but it got me thinking.

In a culture that consistently pits women against each other for entertainment, I examined my own life and how I have participated in extreme individuality, catty gossip and competitiveness with women in my life. Often, feelings of insecurity lead us to compare and compete against one another and the ridiculous role the media plays in perpetuating self-consciousness and deep-seated feelings of inadequacy creates a barrier that often seems impossible to transcend. It keeps us looking at others with the filter of what they have and what we are lacking. And no one really wants to focus on what they’re lacking.

It’s just so brutal.

Sisters! Burlison girls in Africa.

I do what I can to instill a sense of sisterhood and solidarity between my own two daughters, reminding them of the historic struggles we’ve been through, collectively, as women. When they bicker or point blame to one another or express jealousy or competitive snideness toward friends, I do the delicate work of finding a balance between acknowledging their feelings and reminding them of their strengths– both as individuals and as women in solidarity.

It is an ever-evolving and complicated circus act.

For me, the truest test of my own righteousness came in the form of confronting my own hypocrisy around feminist alliances, and integrating the sermons usually reserved for my daughters into my own everyday life.

As for most women with insecurities, mine bubbled to the surface during a relationship with a less-than-functional man. Relentless about his need to secure my loyalty– regardless of his own lack of commitment to me– he focused incredible amounts of his energy in creating a deep ravine between me and his previous girlfriend. In my mind, she was everything I was not: young, successful, driven, strong. She was also, based on his skewed assessment, a bad person who should be avoided at all costs.

As my relationship with him unfolded and eventually collapsed, I questioned the truth of my assumptions about her and why it was, despite my better judgment, that I allowed a man to color my opinion of someone I never even met. I began unraveling the information I was force fed and took a mutual friend’s advice to meet the ex for a drink.

Evolution of sisterhood. Burlison duo in Yellowstone 2011.

When I first mentioned my plans to my daughters, they laughed and asked if I was opening to this new friendship out of spite toward my ex, as was assumed by many others who chatted and whispered around the time of our first meeting. But it wasn’t about moving away or severing a relationship that had breathed its last gasp several months prior, it was about something more personal. Something that felt right to do. It was about transcending the bullshit that women so often succumb to. It was about integrating a sense of sisterhood into all of my relationships whether through helping an old friend leave a bad marriage or celebrating a new friend’s accomplishments and beauty despite what roadblocks or deterrents are tossed in the road ahead.

The drink turned into several, accompanied by hours of laughter and a friendship that continues to bud across oceans and several time zones. More than anything, it reminds me that we ladies, despite the many fabulous men in our lives that love and support us, need to be appreciate each other and value each other’s own unique gifts to this world. We can be successful without stepping on one another. We can celebrate each other’s victories without feeling resentment. And we can certainly develop friendships and solidarity in the least likely places. With sisterhood an integral part of our every day lives, life is incredibly sweet.

Writer, teacher, armchair anthropologist Dani Burlison

Dani Burlison is a displaced social worker, mother, world traveler and activist turned writer and wannabe Anthropologist. A staff writer atThe Pacific Sun in Marin County, CA, and a columnist for McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, her writing also appears in Bike Monkey Magazine, Rad Dad Zine, Hip Mama Magazine, elephant journal, Offbeat Mama, Cosmic Cowgirls Magazine, Metro Santa Cruz and a handful of zines. She has upcoming essays in two anthologies set to be published in 2012 and 2013. She is the co-founder of Petals and Bones writing workshops, is obsessed with Leonard Cohen, holds an MA in Culture, Ecology and Sustainable Community from New College of California and lives in Sonoma County California with her two budding artist daughters.

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Laura Toller Gardner

Notorious Author Laura Toller Gardner

I am a liberating-thought leader, a published author, animal intuitive, and branding and marketing executive. I have worked for close to 20 years with non-profit and for-profit clients helping them tell their compelling stories and enhance their bottom lines. Additionally I serve clients as a commercial real estate broker with real world experience as a private investor.

My writing focuses on heart and soul sovereignty, overcoming the Cult of Perfection, and spiritual healing through the embodiment of Notorious. I will launch my own author platform website in early 2012 (should have been 2011, but you know how that goes) at www.lauratollergardner.com I was recently featured on BlogTalkRadio’s GET GLOWING radio show, hosted by fellow Cosmic Cowgirl Jennifer Alhasa. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/jenniferalhasa/2011/12/02/get-glowing-with-guest-laura-toller-gardner And I’ll be a contributor to Partner, Potential and Play (PPP) at its official launch in early 2012. PPP is the brain/soul child of Cosmic Cowgirl Kathryn Elliott; it deserves your attention. http://www.partnerpotentialandplay.com/

My authorship is informed by academic and professional training as a journalist and public relations practitioner. I received a Bachelor of Arts degree magna cum laude in Journalism with an emphasis in Public Relations, from the University of Southern California.

Try on Notorious and See if She’s a Fit

Try On Notorious and See if She’s a Fit
By Laura Toller Gardner

“Forget safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious.”   ~ Rumi

Blessings and appreciation to my wonderful friend, Britta Fischlin! She sent me this Rumi quotation as it is her new intention. I’ve been Rumi-nating (cheeky, I know!) on this and it’s inspired Notorious dreaming and even more Notorious action on my part.

Martha Graham (1894-1991) Preeminent Modern Dancer & Choreographer

Notorious calls for courage, and She unwaveringly demands authentic expression of inner sacred wisdom. Remember, Notorious is big sister to Unreasonable. Notorious taught Unreasonable everything she knows about heart and soul sovereignty, passionate dreaming with eyes and mind wide open, and stepping forth in absolute faith when the shrill voices whine “who does she think she is to be bright and shiny?”

What within you calls to be Notorious?  Where do you fear to live? What if you tried it, would it blow your mind (and possibly the minds of your family and neighbors?).

If you are anything like me, what you think will make people freak, and what actually sends them into a thrombosis are very different;  and the chasm between is wide. This self-deception is the prison, and we are our own judge, jury and jailer.

Let’s take one moment for the cosmic disclaimer, I’m not suggesting that you harm anyone or yourself, break a law, contradict your own ethics or values (be sure they are yours and not “theirs”), or take action that may result in unintentional loss of job, relationship, or life as you know it.

Frida Kahlo (1907-1954) Artist & Standard Bearer for Notorious

I am suggesting, even encouraging(!), that you dwell in the possibility of what Notorious might feel like, look like, sound like. What are you afraid to do, be, love, try, that feels scary as all get-out, and would be so mind blowing that you would glow into the undetermined future?

Before we jump headfirst into Notorious ask yourself, “Do you remember playing pretend?”  I played a whole lotta’ pretend, and I don’t just mean as a wee one. Playing pretend can lead to problems when your pretend relationships and life take precedence over your less glamorous and infinitely more real day-to-day. So, let’s not go there. I’m talking about the playing pretend that’s a terrific stage upon which to try on Notorious and see how She fits.

Cue the “playing pretend” music… for me it’s flamenco guitar and Vivaldi’s “Four Seasons.” What populates your play-pretend soundtrack?

Here we go! You are now officially playing pretend… Imagine you are in a gorgeously appointed dressing room and your personal shopper/fairy goddessmother is available to bring you everything you have ever wanted to try on. Can you see the iridescent raw-silk drapes, can you smell the freesias and lilacs in big vases? Good. Here you are looking radiant. As you gaze into your own eyes, standing in front of the full-length mirror a la Coco Chanel, what do you intuit your fairy goddessmother will bring to you first?

Maybe running-a-marathon sneakers? How about starting-a-new-business blouses? You might be stunning in learning-to -photograph/sculpt/weave/sing sunglasses? What about going-back-to-school yoga pants and hoodies or going-to-school-for-the-first-time slouchy sweaters? How would it feel to wear declaring-yourself-an-actress/author/astronaut/aromatherapist/accountant/acrobat/archer argyle alpaca arm-warmers? Might chic motherhood tote bags and jeweled stilettos be just the thing? Possibly marriage/life partnership dresses? Hold the phone, how about single, hot cowgirl boots? Totally up to you. What feels Notorious? What feels real? What’s the perfect fit?

Marija Gimbutas (1921-1994) Archeologist & Notorious Defender of the Feminine Devine

Be forewarned: pretend playing can lead to real Notorious action. Once you have practiced with pretend, and learned what Notorious feels like in the safety of your gorgeous dressing room, then you can take your show on the road and start to incorporate it into real life. You’re in charge. You get to say just how Notorious you’ll be on any given Sunday.

My guess is that if you own Notorious, others won’t freak. That said, there are likely to be some slack-jawed faces at the Thanksgiving table, some raised eye-brows at your kids’ soccer game, but really, who gives a rip?! If you are the subject of water-cooler chit chat because you are Notoriously fierce, let the minions whisper! Remember, this isn’t about being contrary or getting up in anyone’s face. This is about letting what’s yet unexplored in you come out to breath deeply and dance, do cartwheels, shimmy and shine.

Dian Fossey, Renown Primatologist (1932-1985)

Notorious isn’t for the faint of heart. Notorious isn’t foolhardy, dangerous or irresponsible. Notorious is deep, abiding self-awareness that feels like coming home to yourself; it’s fueled by clarity of inner knowing. The more you embrace Notorious, the clearer it will become to and for you.

Rumi, your fairy goddessmother and I wish you abundant joy and unfolding wonder upon your Notorious debut. Big kiss!

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Author Laura Toller Gardner

Notorious Author Laura Toller Gardner

In the grand spirit of Notorious, I declare myself  Spiritual Composter, Transformation Luminary, Heart and Soul Sovereign. Drop me a line and let me know the ways that playing pretend, and Notorious, have illuminated your heart and liberated your soul.

New Beginnings

I was recently discussing with my beloved friend Kathryn Elliott, about the paralysis and inertia I have experienced approaching “newness”, a.k.a. a new beginning. Until now, newness/beginning could render me deaf, blind and mute. This was excruciating when I was trying to unravel myself within an experience. But I digress…

Once I stopped sputtering about my fear on the scale of a cosmic black hole, Kathryn matter-of-factly said, “the other side of fear is potential”. Huzzah! I heard choruses of angels, horns blasting all the way from Preservation Hall in New Orleans, and my own exhalation (who knew I’d been hyperventilating since July?!).

Aurora 9/23/11 at 9:26:57 a.m.

This deserves a reverent, “be here now” moment…The Other Side of Fear Is Potential.

I thought the other side of fear was, more soul-sucking fear.

Needless to say, I am grateful to Kathryn for reframing new beginnings. The emotional and energetic opening that this creates for me is monumental. Now, there is more than singular, smothering fear. My solar plexus can relax and there is wiggle room within, that I identify as power and choice.

My gift to You is Kathryn’s article “New Beginnings”. In it she shares how new beginnings have advanced the evolution of her thinking and her practices. Let me know if you too have a Gestalt moment; I’m forming the “Gestalt Moments with Kathryn” Club and I’d love you to join me as a founding member. Price of admission is personal transformation that frees you from soul sucking fear. I predict this will be a very hot ticket!

New Beginnings, by Kathryn Elliott

I hate starting over. I love starting over. Hate. Love. Hate. Love. Hate. Love.

I hate starting over as it feels like I’m not making progress. Starting over feels like I’ve taken two steps back while what I really wanted to do was take three gigantic steps forward.

The Promise of New Beginnings

The Rising

However, I’m more at home with starting over than not. An early initiate into the start-over pattern, I had 3 first-grade teachers. I lived in 4 different states by the age of 11. I attended 8 different primary schools. And, my family moved at least a dozen times before I escaped to my college dorm. My biggest start-over was walking away from a career in engineering after completing my doctorate from Stanford University. I walked away from a proven path to embrace a completely unknown path. I’m a veteran of the start-over tribe.

And, as I wrote a book proposal this past summer, I started over 4 times, until the very concept of the book had morphed and transformed into an entirely new book.

Starting over feels unsettling. Making progress feels grounding. Starting-over leads to self-doubt. Progressing on a well-worn path feels safe, easy, and the road to a guaranteed payoff. Starting over demands confronting the unknown. Staying the course presents itself as the more reasonable approach.

Starting over activates that most perennial of occupations: questioning myself, questioning my path.

And yet, I love starting over. I love the promise inherent within new beginnings. I delight in the possibilities and exhilaration I feel with renewed purpose. For me, new beginnings always come with a revitalized perspective and an expanding universe of ideas.

My journey of transformation is peppered with many new beginnings, all of them rich and expansive in their own way. Yet, all of them came with a price to pay in terms of existential angst, soul-shattering self-doubt, and, on two occasions, extended bouts of creative depression.

Out of all those experiences, I’ve come to realize that a path of transformation is a path of constant new beginnings. And a path that embraces creativity and spirituality – my personal path of choice – is a path of transformation and ultimately, a path of unfolding potential.

As I learn more about myself, my passions, and my potential, and how to unfold each, I constantly encounter more – more to explore, more to experience, and more to engage. And, I constantly encounter the need to begin anew.

My journey of transformation may appear to many as a highly circuitous path that criss-crosses back and forth upon itself. However, I am sure, and so choose to believe, that on some metaphysical plane my path can be seen as a graceful arc of unfolding wonder.

My Latest New Beginning 

Arc of Wonder

Two years ago I launched Energy at Play, an online playground for me to incubate my creative ventures. The outgrowth of this work has now led to a new beginning and the forth-coming launch of a new play space. For the past 15 years I’ve been growing my capacity to express this new dimension of my calling and my passion. During this period, I would often recite silently to myself a prayer from which I drew sustenance and support. It began with the words, “I begin now. I allow no comparison with past or future. I believe in myself and my abilities to learn, grow, and develop my abilities.” These words helped me release the natural preoccupation with fear and doubt, and instead focus on my growth and transformation.

As I start this new beginning, I’m renewing my practice of internal prayer to embrace new beginnings and to drop the hateful stance in which I have too often indulged. It starts like so: “I embrace my journey of transformation and I trust the unfolding wonder that is my life. I believe in the promise of my potential and welcome the advent of new beginnings.”

I invite you to embrace your times of new beginnings and pen words that will affirm and support you during your times of starting over. New beginnings always hold a kernel of promise, in addition to a threshold that challenges us to release who we have been to embrace who we are becoming.

As Karlfried Graf Durckheim wrote:   ”The man who, being really on the Way, falls upon hard times in the world will not, as a consequence, turn to that friend who offers him refuge and comfort and encourages his old self to survive. Rather, he will seek out someone who will faithfully and inexorably help him to risk himself, so that he may endure the suffering and pass courageously through it, thus making of it a ‘raft that leads to the far shore’.” 

May you be blessed in all your new beginnings!

May we all be blessed in our collective new beginnings!

Renaissance Woman Kathryn Elliott

Kathryn Elliott, Ph.D. is founder and chief editor of Partner, Potential, and Play, an inbox magazine and community coming together to serve the continuous unfoldment of the creative, intuitive, and pragmatic dimensions of exploring, engaging, and manifesting the potential of individuals, groups, businesses, and organizations.  Her latest offering is a free article, “Discover and Claim Your Unique Gifts and Talents: 15 Essential Strategies to Connect to Your Potential and Realize Your Dreams.“

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Laura Toller Gardner is exploring what it may mean in the cosmos if: “I’m not my Facebook profile, my professional CV/bio, or who my ego desperately dictates me to be”. (Deep breath.)

Author Laura Toller Gardner

Discerning the differences between honorable self-affirmation and self-agandisement piques my curiosity these days. And I’m learning the intricacies of WordPress to launch my website. Whew, feelin’ like that mature doggie learning new tech tricks!

I cherish the easiness between authentic friends, heart and soul sovereignty, the spirit expansiveness I feel when I’m with animals, literary creation, and my husband Jim with whom I just celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary.

I will be honored to learn how you engage with new beginnings in your life. Drop me a line and let me know what’s percolating for you.

The First Language

“In the beginning of all things, wisdom and knowledge were with the animals,  for Tirawa, the One Above, did not speak directly to {wo}man. He sent certain animals to tell {wo}men that he showed himself through the beasts, and that from them, and from the stars and the sun and the moon, {wo}man should learn.”                               ~ Pawnee Chief Letkota-Lesa

Pregnant Mare Rescue, Santa Cruz, CA www.pregnantmarerescue.org

Termed “the essential connection” by animal communication pioneer Penelope Smith, and honored as “the first language” by renown animal and nature communicator Marta Williams, the ability to converse with non-human life is most certainly possible by exchanging thoughts, emotions, images and other sensory data. Our rational human mind, encouraged by ego, believes itself to be superior to all other species and life forms (anthropocentrism) because we are capable of complex, spoken-word communication, analytical thinking and the power to reason. As long as we measure intelligence by human metrics alone, we remain top dogs.

Yet, when we open up to a variety of evolutionary intelligence, our limited, human-centric understanding grows exponentially to encompass ancient wisdom. Animal and nature wisdom/medicine is a missing key component that can facilitate the harmonizing of our interconnected, planetary healing and thriving.  I am confident that as our human capacity broadens and deepens to include these aspects of Intelligence (intentional capitalization), we will be on our way to collective, collaborative healing. If this idea of inclusive intelligence resonates for you, outstanding! Please join me by living into an evolved and life-affirming definition of “intelligence” that includes: 1.) intuitive communication, 2.) empathic energy reading, and 3.) generational learning stored at the cellular level, transferred from parent to child — referred to generically as instinct, also understood to be ancestral, familial and genetic wisdom.

Baby bird.

Engaging with animals and nature as fellow-journeyers and wisdom holders, rather than exploitable resources or inferior beings, serves all of life.

It is my honor to introduce “Cosmic Kitty” written by Kathleen Camp. Kathleen enjoys rich relationships {and conversations} with her beloved companions, a dog named Coco and her traveling cat, Smokey. “Cosmic Kitty” illustrates Kathleen’s intuitive understanding of Smokey, and their powerful connection that allowed them to share information that saved Smokey’s life. I encourage you to sink into the wisdom Kathleen offers and open your consciousness to the possibility of profound communication that transcends human language.

Writer Kathleen Camp

“Cosmic Kitty”

Kathleen & Smokey

One of the most valuable things I’ve learned from my cat, Smokey, is that we have the ability to communicate with thought energy that spans space and time. I discovered this energetic ability after Smokey surreptitiously jumped into my boyfriend’s truck and accompanied him on a two-day rafting trip to the Trinity River. Smokey stayed in the campsite for the duration of the trip, but just as my boyfriend was ready to come back home, Smokey took off. Soooooo cat like!   He searched for hours but couldn’t find Smokey and left without her.

My boyfriend and others tried to convince me that Smokey was probably dead, snatched by a wild animal for dinner, or she just ran off.  That night as I fell asleep I asked the universe for guidance and when I awoke I knew with every fiber of my being that Smokey was still alive. I told my boyfriend we were driving the five hours back to the Trinity River to find her, as soon as we both got off work.  As we raced down the highway in the dark that night, an excited joyous feeling grew stronger and stronger inside me.

“Stop, Stop the truck.  I feel her!”  I yelled.

“This isn’t even close to where we camped.” he replied.

“I don’t care,” I said.” “Just pull off the road.”

He pulled off the road and I jumped from the truck.

I called Smokey and cajoled with the infamous, “here, kitty, kitty.” Within minutes I heard Smokey’s familiar meow and she jumped out of the bushes into my arms.

Kitty Wisdom

I believe Smokey sent an emotional vibration into the universe directed at me, and because I was dedicated to find her, I was in tune with this vibration. As modern humans we have become dependent on our five senses as the only mechanisms to guide our choices.  We’ve lost touch with our grandest, most perfect guidance system, the “inner guide” of our emotions.

Who said emotions get in the way of making valid judgments?  I propose that emotions, instead of getting in the way, show us the way.  Here’s the process; when deciding on a course of action, if you have thoughts that feel negative that’s your “inner guide” telling you not to proceed until your thoughts and feelings are positive. I’m not saying to ignore your physical senses in decision making; just be aware that we have at our access, every second of the day, another innate and perfectly matched sense to lead us. Scientists tell us everything that exists can be reduced to different types of energy vibrating at different speeds. Our emotions are a very special type of energy that shows us the appropriate path for each situation.  This energy flows through and is part of everything; every animal, every plant, the air around us, even the rocks. I know that it was this energy that directed me to Smokey’s exact location that night along the highway.  We are all capable of tapping into this gift; we just have to learn to listen with our hearts.  Meow.

Kathleen Camp

Kathleen Camp

The Coyote Kid (aka Kathleen Camp) resides in an intentional community among the

giant redwood trees of Mendocino county in northern California. She writes screenplays

and creative nonfiction, much of which is inspired by nature, her little dog, Coco, and

her cat, Smokey.

Author Laura Toller Gardner

Laura Toller Gardner

I am an animal intuitive, author, marketing maven, liberating thought leader.

An empath from my first memories, I apply my knowing to help people and animals harmonize our interconnected healing and thriving. I also partner with entrepreneurs to tap their intuitive well-of-creativity through insightful strategy and storytelling. I love writing {often irreverent} non-fiction that explores what it means to release the cult of perfection, personal liberation via inner authority, and heart and soul sovereignty.

Some day I may write fiction and try to lighten up. We’ll see.

I am currently exploring the depths of the principle: Everything is Opportunity.  What in your life deserves exploration? What keeps you from it? I encourage you to take one small step today to attend to that which calls you.

Sniggering Crocodiles and Other Self-Liberation Anomalies

I am living what feels like a protracted state of personal birthing. It began in-earnest in 2008, and here it is 2011.

In the event I’m not alone in said birth-canal experience, I offer this faerie-tale to all of my sisters who are out on the edge with me. Our paths don’t conform, nor do our experiences always read as fabulous chronicles of “don’t you wish you were me” on Facebook. Good news. We are heart & soul liberators, and ours are journeys of authenticity.

Our story opens as our heroine has confidently walked out onto an unending bridge, accompanied by her unending expectations. Very soon, confidence flees and terror creeps stealthily up from behind. Yee gads, what’s a heart and soul liberation heroine to do?…

I find myself on one of those very long, undulating rope bridges from an Indiana Jones movie. (Harrison Ford makes those look so easy to navigate. Kind of like Seane Corn on her yoga mat and Suzi Orman  making $$$.) The bridge traverses a very deep chasm with a crocodile-filled river below. The initial descent was easy. I felt strong and powerful, and that emboldened me and propelled me forward. But now, my power abdicates its throne to fear.  I don’t love heights and every step feels harrowing. The bridge moves and sways as I walk, making it very hard to remain balanced. It would be so much easier to stop moving forward; then I could cling to the rope handrail and feel safer… Who is that whimpering? 

The rope is old. It shakes, shudders and creaks with every step. “Who thought that this journey was such a fantastic idea? I could be behind a locked door; safely installed on a comfy couch, watching mind-less television.”

I realize that I’m halfway across now, at the lowest point of the bridge’s span; to state the obvious, the bridge is experiencing substantial sag. I can now see the crocodiles swimming below me. I swear I hear a slightly lilting crocodile voice call, “Come on down sugar, the water’s glorious. We’d love to meet you!” Not funny — Harrison Ford’s rope-bridge crocodiles aren’t snarky. I feel paralyzed. I now promise the Universe anything to return to safety. I turn around to begin the long climb back up toward the cliff where I stepped off into the unknown. After a few steps backward that flood me simultaneously with relief and regret, I recognize that the bridge leading back up to safety has retreated. I have traveled too far forward. 

Sheist! This was SUCH a bad idea. I try to regroup. I struggle. I search my mind for meaning. The crocodiles are sniggering as they place their bets below. 

I'll see your $10 and raise you $20!

I turn toward the land mass ahead in the direction of the remaining bridge. The landscape is lush, with huge broad palms, enormous hibiscus bushes and beautiful birds singing in the trees. I start edging forward in that direction, bridge swaying, creaking, sagging. Now the spaces between the old wooden bridge planks are widening. I need to take huge, hopping steps to launch myself from one plank to the next.  Subtlety doesn’t exist out here.

I am clinging to terror over the abyss of collapse . My resolve drains to a silent trickle as the tears flow. I feel the crocodiles’ anticipation. This likely may not end well. Where is the bravado of untested zeal? 

Like a bolt of lightning from life where normalcy reigns, it strikes me all at once. Fear isn’t real in the physical world, it is simply a reflection. I can make this experience different. I can decide that the crocodiles are goldfish, and the bridge is an escalator. At first that feels naive, pathetic and hopeless. But what choice do I have? The longer I stand there, projecting my energy forward as the bridge, I begin to feel like I am standing on something sturdy, substantial, trustworthy. I focus my attention on a platter-sized, pink hibiscus flower next to the bridge at the top of the cliff. That hibiscus is MINE. I can smell it, see it. The world turns hibiscus pink just for me. 

Step by step I KNOW that the bridge/escalator moves me forward to my destination. I think about how sweet that hibiscus smells, how cool the petals are against my skin. I walk. I won’t acknowledge the crocodiles who coo then bark for my attention. The trip is straight uphill. I should have worked out more, I’m winded and it hurts. “That’s not real. People don’t get winded riding an escalator, Laura!”

When I finally step off the bridge I feel light and translucent. A beautiful yellow bird snips off the great pink hibiscus and brings it to me. He lands on my shoulder and we are both silent, our senses diving into the life-saving flower. Finally the bird whispers, “You were brave.” 

“I’m glad I didn’t fly out to meet you,” tweets the bird. “I was desperate to tell you that the crocodiles are toothless, but you were so invested in their fearsomeness, I couldn’t disappoint you.”

Nugget of sweetness: Surrender the defiance and judgement about “long enough” and being “OVER” journey-inspired learning. The journey doesn’t end, we just get to shower, have a nourishing meal and rest before we step back into our bridge-traversing stilettos/sandals/Crocs (funny!) and head out for more.

Signing off dear readers, from the birth canal/rope bridge! The crocodiles send their regards.

With sparkly affection,

Laura

Author Laura Toller Gardner

Writer Laura Toller Gardner

I’m a Liberating Thought Leader.  I Value authenticity, compassion and freedom.  I Serve as a storyteller, influencer, strategist. I also happen to be a lover of toothsome characters!

Drop me a line; I’m intrigued to learn how Heart & Soul Liberation unfolds for you.